Why Can't I sleep without Thinking

Whatever I do I can't sleep before 4 or 5am in the morning. Every time i try to sleep, some or the other thought creep into my head. They can be about my career, my college, my crush ,my love life, my future, my family or anything related to me at that point of time. These thoughts won't let me sleep. This just happened 2-3 days ago, the night just before my exams.

Let me share some of the thoughts I get:


# What will my career be? Sometimes i think that I will begin a startup. Sometimes i think that I will go for a post graduation in game design. I am still very uncertain about my career.

# What will happen to my love life? I don't like most of the girls I see. Actually till now,I just had one big crush as I told you in my last post. I am still thinking how can I impress her and different crazy ideas creep into my head when I think about her.

# Sometimes I start thinking about my parents and my brother.

# Sometimes I think about the recent projects which I am doing and how to improve them. Even sometimes I get some crazy idea about a project or a website when i am thinking.

# Sometimes it's about my college life, my friends and what should we do to enjoy our lives more in the college.


I just cannot sleep without thinking. Everyday before I sleep I get these crazy thoughts. Why do I think so much? I even think about that.... ;)

Killer Smile

I first met her in my IIT coaching class. She was one of the 3 girls among 25 boys in my batch. When i first saw her I had no idea that i would fall for her. She was a good student as I was. Actually only 3-4 people always answered questions asked by our sir. We both were one of them. At first, I used to sit at the back but somehow after 15 days I was sitting on the 2nd bench just behind her. This was due to one of my good friend that i made in my coaching. That was when I started talking to her about studies and colleges. She always used to say that I will definitely get into the IIT's (but damn our chemistry teacher he made a chemistry topper until 10standard a below average student). We were friends now. I was fine until I saw her smile. That smile made me crazy. I fell for it. Well I can't describe what it did to me. I was starting to like her more and more, but now the academic year was going to end. I realized that i should tell her what i felt. So on the last day I waited for her in the parking lot(about 10-15 minutes after the class. I couldn't wait more as I had to go for something important) but she didn't came. Later I came to know that another guy from my coaching proposed her on that day and that was why she was late(though she didn't accept the proposal). That was it, i never saw her again. We both went to different colleges in two far away cities. Though I still talk to her sometimes over phone or over gtalk. I did confess my feelings over the internet and she was not interested in a relationship. So what should I do now? I have no ideas. I am dying to meet her. Probably will meet her this summer. So what should I do from here? That is the big question!!!!

Whatever that was I still can't forget her and that smile. Everytime I see her pic or her name, it reminds me of that smile. That smile makes me go crazy everytime I think think about it. I could do anything for that smile. Really, What a killer smile!!!

"Ye smile marvayegi !"

Dreams.....everything

Everyone dreams about one thing or the other. They play a major role in one's life. Dreams can take you to the top the world. But accomplishing what you dreamed is not a simple task. Broken dreams cause more pain than anything else in the world. Dreams shape up one's future. For most of us, our dreams decide our actions like when you dream of the person whom you like(/love still confused), you try to take actions which might impress them. Similarly, if you dream to accomplish some task, you work to complete that task.

Shattered dreams often leads to depressions. The pain of shattered dreams is unbearable. They make you vulnerable to almost everything. I hope this never happens to anyone as I can't imagine my life with all my dreams shattered.

Life n Love....Confusing

Well let me tell you something, life is not going to go as you want it. You might fail in certain aspects of life. You might not get the person you like or you love. Frankly speaking i still can't figure out what love exactly is. Sometimes when you like a person and share a few things with them you feel like you love them. Sometimes it may also happen that you are attracted towards a person for the reasons unknown to you. Sometimes it also happens that when you loose that person you realize that you loved them. So what is love exactly? I never figured out love. Still sometimes you feel good when you think of the person you like (love). Sometimes the opposite happens if you can't talk to them or feel jealous about them not being with you.

I am very confused about these things. Niether i have the experience nor the ability to understand such complex stuff.

I still don't know why I am writing this. Maybe I'll regret this later on ;)